Affair Handbook

The act of marriage is a beautiful thing. In the beginning it is all wine and roses. Nothing could ever go wrong. However, if you have ever been married or been in any long term committed monogamous relationship you know that it is hard work. I isn’t physical labor kind of work, unless you count housework and washing the car. It is work in the sense that you must constantly be working on the connection that brought you together in the first place. Couples are on an endless quest to remain in a place where they can be sincerely intimate and loving to each other. Since that isn’t always possible, couples have to find ways to work around those tough times and not do so much damage that it can’t be repaired. This is a tentative time. When two people are angry for whatever reason or no good reason, that is there weakest time. Facebook is much a like the Garden of Eden to committed couples. A virtual plethora of golden fruits both from the past and present, ripe for the picking. Can Facebook ruin a strong, committed marriage? Probably not. Can Facebook ruin a troubled marriage? You bet.
There are several ways Facebook can get in there right where it hurts and turn the knife.

Overuse

Don’t be one of those douchebags that stays on Facebook every moment of the day. (How Much Time people spend on facebook every day) You know the type. He has his notifications turned on for every request and comment under the sun. He browses every page of everyone he knew and pokes and likes his way through dinner. No matter how long you have been married, your wife deserves some of your attention some of the time. Smartphones make it so easy to just click into Facebook and check your newsfeed that it becomes a habit and some people develop a real problem with it much like a codependency.

Being Friends With Your Ex

Don’t be friends with your ex-wife on Facebook. That is a recipe for disaster any way you look at it. It isn’t even a good idea to be friends with an ex-girlfriend if you were really and truly and deeply in love. The only exception would be if you have one of those rare unicorn relationships where you have kids and divorce and are wonderful friends and even like her new husband. If you don’t share children, even under the best of circumstances, explaining why your friends with your ex is a sticky situation. We’re just friends sounds fake even when it’s true.

Your Facebook Friends are Not Marriage Counselors.

Posting your marriage problems, no matter how thinly veiled, can come to no good. It is embarrassing for your wife and should be for you too. No one needs to know your personal problems. It can cause all sorts of problems including nosey ex’s coming forward with their own agenda’s. This goes for the chat function too. The Internet has allowed people to make friends all over the world. Some of these friendships seem insanely real and people feel safe sharing every personal detail of their life with these folks.

Inciting Jealousy

Facebook can cause a person who is not normally a jealous type of person to become crazy insane jealous. If you’d like to test this theory start to like all the pouty, duckface profile pics that cross your newsfeed. Don’t forget to make some inane comments like “lovely” or “Nice” or Beautiful lady” and see how long it takes your wife to ask you about it. To make matters worse laugh it off or refuse to discuss it and wait for defcon 4. The same goes for your own pictures. If the same girl or even random women like your pictures and leave comments, you have some explaining and then some unfriending to do. Lastly in the jealousy category, never under any circumstances participate in in #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) unless it’s your wife.

Rules

The only way to navigate both a marriage and Facebook is to set rules that you both feel comfortable with. Decide upfront if its ok to tag each other in heavy political discussions or religious memes. Find out if she minds the vacation bikini photos or pregnancy pics. Find out what she’s sensitive about and don’t go there. Ever.

Keeping a marriage together while using Facebook is not rocket science. It only takes a bit of sensitivity and the will to stay married. If you feel like your leaning toward divorce, Facebook will push you over that edge. There is just too much opportunity. Respect your marriage and your own vows enough to keep your private affairs private and if it does come to divorce, keep it off Facebook until its time to change your relationship status.