Affair Handbook

There are many things that can be considered cheating in a relationship. Anything from sexting to actual sexual contact, depending on the people in the relationship, can be construed as cheating. Many factors go into what a couple may designate as cheating behavior, such as religion, family values, and personal experiences and morals. One question people often have is whether or not having sexual fantasies about other people outside the marriage can be considered cheating. What sometimes surprises people is the fact that fantasizing about other people sexually is normal and healthy.

Sexual Fantasies Are Normal

While there are many facts that point out how normal sexual fantasies are, – See List: common sexual fantasies guys have – religious groups and conservative associations have voiced concern that such information will encourage a more lenient attitude toward sexual fantasies which will, in turn, degrade the sanctity of marriage. There is no evidence to suggest that is a viable concern.

According to many doctors, most people in a marriage eventually fantasize about someone else other than their spouse. It is a very normal, human reaction. It is actually healthy. Many married couples do not realize fantasizing is an acceptable emotional outlet. It is a legitimate way to inspire passion and add variety to married sex. Not fantasizing is thought to contribute to boredom within a marriage and distance between couples.

Sexual Fantasies Can Happen At Any Time

Fantasies about sexual liaisons, activities and escapades can occur during sex or any other time. During a fantasy, you have complete control. You have ultimate freedom. Everything is your choice. You choose your sexual partner. You chose the sex acts and positions. You are able to experience exciting feelings through fantasy and that act itself is a healthy emotional outlet. There are other, less obvious, benefits to fantasizing as well. Study after study has shown people who fantasize about sex have more sex with their partner and its better sex too. They have more fun during sex and women who fantasize regularly report more orgasm than those who do not.

Having Sexual Fantasies Is Healthy

Medical professionals believe people who do not fantasize about stray sexual encounters could be exhibiting unhealthy behavior. People who claim not to fantasize may be unable to admit it to themselves or are unaware of their own thoughts. There are some down sides to sexual fantasies. Some people become so enmeshed in their fantasies that they lose track of real life. The fantasy world becomes the preferred place of existence. This state of mind can ruin a marriage completely. Some people get so far into their fantasies they are unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy. Fantasies can also pose a danger if they are used to replace sex Is it cheating if you are having sexual fantasies about someone with a marriage partner or cover the fact that there is no sexual attraction to the spouse.

There Are some Sexual Fantasies That Could Lead To Issues

While fantasies about sex are mostly healthy and normal, there are some types that can lead to extramarital liaisons. Once the teen years are past us, so are the uncontrollable sexual urges. As teens, once a sexual fantasy enters our mind, it is almost impossible to ignore it. Very often we pursue the fantasy until we can actively make it a reality. As adults, we know the difference between fantasy which can become reality, and fantasy which cannot. Sometimes however, we will still make that move from fantasy to reality when we know we should not. Facebook flirting is an example of fantasy taken too far. It may seem like fantasy, because the person isn’t in the room with you and nothing physical is happening. The truth, however, is that the other person in the fantasy is a real person and a real relationship is being forged outside the marriage. Flirting online and living a virtual sex life with someone you found online is actually more real than a pure fantasy that lives only in your head. It takes one sentence to arrange a meeting and take that fantasy to a dirty reality. A reality that can destroy your marriage, financial safety and family life.

Fantasizing about sex with other people while you are married or in a committed relationship is usually healthy and normal. Only when that fantasy is chased down and obsessed over can it become cheating.