If you’re smart about it and you follow the advice given on Affairs Handbook you’re almost certain to get away with an affair. However, there’s always a chance you could get caught and when that happens you need a game plan to prevent unnecessary fallout. The tips below are written assuming you want to save your marriage. If not you can forget about all of it and just hire the best lawyer possible and try not to lose half your salary for the rest of your life.

Let’s talk about keeping your marriage in the event that you’ve been caught having an affair. First, you need to assess if there’s any chance you can pass it off as a onetime thing. If your wife believes that this is the first time you’ve slept with the girl and it was an impulsive, stupid act then she’s much likelier to forgive you. An act of impulse won’t necessarily destroy the trust that exists between the two of you and ultimately it’s keeping or rebuilding that trust that will save your marriage. When you’re caught you need to quickly assess everything that’s gone on in the affair and whether you can hide that and claim with any sort of credibility that it was the first time you’ve slept with the girl.

If it’s obvious you’ve been having an affair you need to switch to another tactic. Guys will often try to garner their wife’s sympathy in a move that is utterly insane. They’ll tell her how they were lonely for affection because she wasn’t giving it to them, etc. Unless your wife is an absolute doormat that tactic will only serve to infuriate her and could end the marriage before you get the sentence out of your mouth. If that’s ever going to happen you’ll need to do it in a counseling session, which will be established as a safe space to share your feelings.

The truth is that there is no simple way to avoid major fallout once you’ve been caught and you can’t pass it off as a onetime mistake. Your first step should be to show contrition. Apologize to your wife and do it over and over if you need to. If you’re feeling genuine emotion and you can cry that would be a good idea. None of it will help in the moment but after her furious anger has cleared she’ll think back on how you reacted when she found out and if you were genuinely sorry and emotional about your mistake she’s much likelier to take you back.

You’ll obviously need to end the affair once you get caught. You’ll need to make an effort to prove to your wife that you still love her and that you want to be with her. If necessary you can begin another affair later and ensure you don’t make the same mistake again. Just remember that if she’s going to forgive you it’s likely going to take time so if you get caught don’t get annoyed that she hasn’t forgiven you yet. You need to give her space and time.