Affair Handbook

Many men and women are in abusive relationships (Signs Your In A Bad Relationship). The number of relationships involving domestic violence and emotional abuse are grossly unreported in America. It’s quite possible that someone you know was or currently is in a relationship that is abusive that they are ashamed of and want to keep secret. It’s also possible that you are the person who was or is in this toxic kind of relationship.

People who are abused by spouses and partners, people they are supposed to trust, can be left feeling unloved and emotionally wounded. The scars left from an abusive partner can take years and years to heal and can’t be mended on your own. Sometimes it takes the love of someone else to full come to terms with the abuse, escape the situation, and start loving yourself again.



 

Stopping the Cycle of Hatred

Spouses take vows that signify an eternal bond of love and companionship. In modern times, these bonds aren’t so unbreakable, and sometimes this can be a good thing depending on the situation or what side of the relationship you’re on. For an abuse victim, the ability to divorce and flee from someone is an escape route. For an abuser, these words are meaningless and easily broken.

It’s important for abuse victims to understand that they deserve love; love that a spouse isn’t delivering. Cheating on an abusive spouse or significant other can be a release that they haven’t experienced in a long time. If you are an abuse victim, you deserved to be loved in a way that makes you feel human again.
 

Finding Strength in New Love

Abuse victims often feel like they no longer have any self-confidence. They find themselves doubting their ability to live a normal life when they can’t make someone who is supposed to care for them love them in the way that they should. They may feel like the abuse is occurring because they aren’t good enough, they’re ugly, they’re fat, or they’re unworthy as a lover.

A new love or sexual partner who knows how to please someone who has been abused can actually be a life saver. Many men and women never leave an abuser because they think that they’re the only ones who could ever care for them at all, even if the love comes with hits or harsh words. A lover can give someone who is being abused strength and the power to believe in themselves again.
 

Getting a Lover to Understand

An affair partner can be an essential lifeline for someone who is being abused. Confiding in a lover can create an ally that cares about them enough to try and step in. This can be a scary thought. Many abuse victims fear retaliation from their abuser if and when they discover that the abuse is being talked about. This is a common defense mechanism found in abuse relationships: the abuser will strike fear into their victim to ensure they don’t talk and threaten consequences if they do.

In order to stop an abusive relationship from continuing, someone has to know in order to step in and help an abuse victim out of the situation. If this is you, then understand that the other person involved in your affair can do this job and comes from a place of kindness and love that your abuser does not.

Worrying about an Abuser’s Reaction

The reality of the situation is that an abuser is likely to retaliate when they feel like their property (the victim) is under threat of escape. Finding out that their victim is having an affair can set them off and create dire consequences for a victim of abuse. If this is the case, is having an affair even worth it if the risk is so high?

In truth, the situation has ended up well for some and horribly for others. It’s a risk that some victims are willing to take to gain back some humanity and freedom. The outcome can be a victorious one that involves escaping from harm, or a tragic one that can lead to more harm or even death.
 

Dealing with Guilty After the Fact

Even if someone is abusing you, it’s likely that you still think about how they feel. Many abuse victims who have affairs still feel guilty for doing so, even if their spouse is a monster. Remember: you have nothing to feel guilty for. It’s natural to want to be loved and to seek out someone who can offer you that feeling. An abuser will do much worse things and can do unspeakable harm to someone. An affair does not come close to canceling out this disgusting behavior. Having an affair can be the difference between being neglected or being loved, having no chance at life or finding a way out, and possibly even life or death.