Affair Handbook

Infidelity is almost never just about sex. Even one-night stands occur because of some other underlying issue. Most people believe a lot of affairs begin because couples get bored with each other sexually but that isn’t always true. The reason most people have affairs is because they feel an emotional distance from their partner. Sex is only part of what makes an emotional connection between two people. People gain the biggest part of their emotional connection from small moments throughout their lives. Smiles, kisses, laughter, and sentiments make a bond. It is when those small moments stop happening that a door opens to an affair.

Not All Affairs Involve Sex

A couple can have an affair and not even have sex. Some affairs are purely emotional. Read What An Emotional Affair Is HERE. This most often occurs with online affairs, but it can happen in real life too. Sometimes people meet someone online and sparks fly. They begin to text and flirt just like a face to face situation. They spend more and more cyber time together and fall madly in love with each other without so much as a kiss. This can happen in a work environment too. People who spend many ours together in a non-romantic way often fall in love or develop a deep affection and attraction. Aptly named “affairs of the heart”, these affairs lack any sexual element. The other person is the married persons primary source of emotional gratification in an emotional affair. They can be just as devastating to a marriage, however. Emotional affair draws resources from the marriage and cause a larger rift between the married couple.

There Are More Than 1 Type Of Affairs

Despite the differences, the two types of affairs are equally damaging to the marriage. Both types of affairs stem from the same issues in the marriage. Adulterers state a lack of connection, boredom, and the feeling that a need is not being met as the impetus for the affair. Some people seek out a way to solve the problem in the marriage while others will simply use it as an excuse to cheat. What polls and studies have uncovered is that the unmet need is often a sense of freshness. That new feeling you have for someone in the early days of a relationship doesn’t last forever. There are people who wake up one morning and find that feeling gone.

Online Affairs Usually Are Sexless

For those who engage in online affairs, it is comforting that there is no sex. It seems somehow less bad that skin to skin affairs. Scorned spouses rarely see a distinction. Online affairs can turn into an addiction. The mistress is just barely out of reach. At your beck and call but never in the flesh. Its hot and mysterious and hard to pass up. Much like the sentiment behind the adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, that forever out of reach mistress has a draw that is hard to break. As in all types of affair, there is a thrill of the chase feeling. New flirting and getting to know a new person intimately is something some people constantly crave.

Poor Communication Can Lead To An Affair

By far, the most common reason people cite for having an affair is a lack of communication and closeness with their spouse. Work is the number one culprit. Some people use their jobs to retreat from a relationship, others are just workaholics choosing their job over their partner. The other person feels neglected and often an annoyance. The marriage quickly becomes about nothing more than paying the bills, raising the children, and running a household. Eventually, one or both partners will stray at this point. Humans crave attention and human contact to feel complete. They seek it out when it is not provided in any current relationship.

Affairs are not just about sex. Emotional affairs are just as potent. Affairs are about a silent connection between two people that fulfills some perceived need that is not being met. You are fooling yourself if you are telling yourself your affair is all about sex. If you look deeper, you’ll see there is an issue you are not facing. Solving that issue doesn’t mean you won’t have affairs. I t just means you’ll have a better understanding of your own motives.